We all do things we later regret. We give in to a craving we didn’t really want, or send a text that upsets someone we care about. In those moments, we act quickly, pulled by strong emotions or urges, and only realize what we’ve done after.
When this happens often enough, it can start to feel like something is wrong with us. We promise ourselves more self-control next time. We decide to be stricter or more disciplined. But for many people, that approach only makes the pattern harder to break.
You need a way to slow things down just enough for choice to return before the urge decides for you. That’s what the 10-minute delay rule is designed to do.
Why do we do things we later regret?
We all recognize the feeling of having done something we wish we hadn’t. Maybe you bought something you didn’t need while trying to save, ate more than you intended, or sent a message that came out harsher than you meant.
Most of the time, this happens for a simple reason: we act while emotions or urges are in the lead. Decisions are made quickly, before there’s time to step back and consider whether they actually align with what we want.
These moments rarely pass without consequences. They can strain relationships, pull us away from our goals, or leave a lingering sense of frustration or self-doubt. Over time, that pattern can start to feed itself. Each regret adds pressure to “do better next time,” which often makes future decisions feel even more loaded – and easier to rush.
Most regret is caused by decisions made too fast to be chosen
We act on emotion without thinking
Let’s return to emotion and impulse, because that’s where the pattern usually begins. Most of the time, when we act in ways we later regret, it’s because certain emotions are driving the moment. Anger, stress, sadness, fear, shame, or fatigue can all push us toward quick action.
These emotions aren’t wrong. They’re trying to signal something and often come with a strong urge attached – to numb, withdraw, react, defend, or fit in. The problem isn’t the feeling itself, but that the urge points toward immediate relief rather than long-term alignment.
When we act on those urges, decisions happen fast. Overeating, sending an angry message, or spending money we don’t really have aren’t random mistakes, they’re attempts to respond to what we’re feeling in the moment. Reflection is still there, but it tends to arrive after the action has already been taken.
Why forcing self-control usually backfires
When people regret acting on emotion, the usual response is to try harder next time. We promise ourselves more self-control. We decide to be stricter, more disciplined, more resistant. The intention makes sense, but when self-control is used as the only strategy, it often fails – especially in the moments where it’s needed most.
There are a few reasons for this.
Self-control can deplete
Self-control is influenced by many factors, including stress, fatigue, and how much effort you’ve already spent regulating yourself that day. When it’s relied on continuously, it becomes harder to access.
In high-pressure moments, this matters. If self-control is already worn down, decisions tend to default toward the easiest option – usually the one the urge is pushing you toward.
Self-control can be overridden by emotions
Strong emotions don’t remove our ability to think, but they do change the order in which things happen. Emotion moves first. Reflection follows later.
When urgency is high, access to self-control narrows. Decisions happen quickly, before there’s space to step back and choose deliberately. This makes self-control an unreliable tool in exactly the situations where regret is most likely to occur.
The shame feels stronger – and it’ll be harder to control next time
When self-control fails, the regret that follows often carries an extra layer of pressure. We tell ourselves we should have known better. We try to compensate by tightening control even more.
That pressure increases urgency the next time an urge appears. Decisions feel heavier, faster, and more loaded – which makes impulsive action even more likely. Over time, this creates a cycle where each failure makes the next moment harder to handle calmly.
When urgency decides for you, self-control arrives too late to matter
The 10-minute delay rule
Trying to force self-control or suppress emotions rarely works. You need something that slows the moment down just enough for you to be part of the decision – before the urge takes over. That’s what the 10-minute delay rule is designed to do.
The rule is simple. When an urge appears – whether it’s to react, consume, spend, or escape – you pause. Instead of acting immediately, you wait ten minutes. That’s all. After those ten minutes, you’re free to do whatever you choose. There’s no success or failure built into the rule. If you act on the urge, that’s allowed. If you don’t, that’s just as valid. You can even choose to wait another ten minutes.
Waiting doesn’t guarantee that the urge disappears, or that the decision becomes easy. What it changes is when the decision happens. The pause creates space between the urge and the action, making it possible to choose deliberately rather than react automatically.
Over time, this matters. Each pause weakens the reflex to act immediately and strengthens your ability to stay present under pressure. You may still do things you later regret – that’s part of being human. But more often, the decision will be yours, not something made on your behalf by the strongest urge in the moment.
Why slowing down helps us make better decisions
When we slow down instead of acting immediately, a few predictable things tend to happen. This is because the conditions around the decision change.
Most urges and cravings disappear fast
Many urges are short-lived. When you pause instead of reacting right away, their intensity often softens. What felt urgent a few minutes earlier may still be present, but it’s usually easier to hold without acting on it.
Emotions quiet down
Strong emotions tend to peak quickly. By slowing down, you often move past the most intense part of the reaction. The mental noise quiets, urgency drops, and it becomes easier to see the situation with a bit more distance before deciding what to do next.
What to do during the 10 minutes
During the ten minutes, there’s nothing specific you’re required to do. How you spend them will depend on the situation, and the point isn’t to handle the urge perfectly. In fact, part of the pause is often uncomfortable – especially in the beginning. That discomfort is expected.
What matters is that you don’t immediately escape the moment. The pause works because it interrupts the reflex to act or distract. You can continue what you were already doing, as long as the urge isn’t deciding for you.
For me, that usually means simply noticing the time and staying with what’s in front of me until the ten minutes are up. Sometimes I slow my breathing or focus on something physical nearby to stay present while it passes. Other times, I just keep working and let the urgency fade in the background.
There’s no single right way to handle the pause. The only thing that tends to work against it is immediately numbing or distracting yourself with something highly stimulating. That often pushes the urge out of awareness without actually weakening it, making it more likely to resurface unchanged once the distraction ends.
An example of the 10-minute delay rule
A while back, I was a heavy user of nicotine pouches. I had one in my mouth most waking hours, and I knew it was adding to my stress rather than helping it. I wanted to change the habit, but forcing myself to stop outright didn’t work.
Instead, I started using the 10-minute delay rule. Every time the urge for a pouch appeared, I waited ten minutes before deciding what to do. During that time, I didn’t try to talk myself out of it or distract myself aggressively. I just let the urge be there and continued with whatever I was doing.
Sometimes, after the ten minutes, I still chose to take a pouch. Other times, the urgency had faded enough that I didn’t feel the need to. What mattered was that the decision no longer felt automatic. Over time, those pauses added up, and the habit quickly loosened its grip.
Pausing doesn’t guarantee a better decision – it guarantees that the decision is yours
This isn’t about forcing discipline
We’re all going to do things we later regret. That’s part of being human. The problem isn’t that it happens, but how often it feels automatic – as if the moment passes before we’ve had a chance to choose.
When things reach that point, the answer usually isn’t more discipline or tighter control. It’s finding a way to pause long enough for choice to return. To stay present when it matters.
That’s what the 10-minute delay rule offers. It doesn’t prevent regret entirely or promise constant restraint. It reduces how often decisions are made on autopilot – and over time, that shift alone can change how you relate to your urges and reactions.
What to read about next
- Why we do things we later regret – and how to interrupt the pattern - February 13, 2026
- Selective Discipline – Why Doing Less Makes Discipline Work - February 6, 2026
- I Know What to Do, But I Don’t Do It – Why understanding doesn’t translate into action - January 30, 2026